Unemployed

I still can't believe that I am unemployed, but here I am....
After 9 yrs and 9 mths working for the same company, working my way up from the production floor, to accounting, & then to purchasing, making it up to the position of SR Buyer for the last 2 years, as of yesterday, 4/6/09, my position has been eliminated. Shock, disbelief, feelings of rejection, feeling like I failed, and feeling like I lost part of my family.
I still don't remember everything that was said in the meeting. All i know is that there were 6 other people in the room. I shouldn't have been in there.....I'm sure there was a mistake.
I am still waiting to wake up from this nightmare. I am waiting for the call to say they made a big mistake and they need me to come back.
I went through this in the end of '98 but that was different. That plant closed down, there was a 60 day notice of the closing and we were able to decide what we wanted to do. Even though there was nothing we could do to keep our jobs, we had a choice of leaving early or staying until the doors closed.

This time it is so different. There is still a plant that is open, there is still work to do, my friends and co-workers are still there but I'm not. Why me? That was the only thing I wanted to ask but I really didn't want to know the answer. I was assured it was not a performance issue and was offered letter of reccomendations from several people. I do know that I will miss my job and I will miss the people I worked with. I would like to think that the person who made the decision will soon regret it but that is probably a lot to ask.

I will be okay....sooner or later. I am trying to be positive and think of all the things I can do until I find another job. I just have to learn how to cope with the range of emotions I am feeling.
It was hard going to sleep last night, I couldn't shut off my brain. You know, the would haves, should haves, could haves. I woke up at 5:30 this am, my regular time, and started crying because I realized I had nowhere to go.

So here I am.....